Here I am. Looking at my old drafts. Yes, this was a draft too, I opened it and it was empty, which is probably a metaphor for something but I'm too exhausted to care at this point. I am days away from finally getting a degree, a small degree, Associate in Arts, Emphasis in Psychology, but a degree none-the-less. I guess it's about time, at 37 I'm not exactly where I thought I would be. Obviously some of the responsibility is my own. I knew I had ADHD and it went untreated, though to be fair I was never diagnosed as a child. A couple of years ago I went to and got formally diagnosed, so I can now say I officially, have ADHD, I'm a certified, bona fide, weirdo. I was medicated for a short while, but then came the swarm of online psychiatry which flooded the market with brand new buyers for these meds so I was kind of priced out as I do not have insurance. At least I had a short time frame where I was medicated, it allowed me to change my perspective in some small ways and I have now, slightly better habits. Just enough that I was able to finally bulldoze through the last classes I needed to finish my degree. However, not all the blame is my own. Society (here we go), look I get it, but hear me out, society should be structured to allow the individual the ability to contribute how they can to the whole. Yet it is not. So many individuals simply cannot go through the normal academic path for one reason or another, does this mean all they have to offer is their body? They get to go in the meat grinder regardless of what their mind is capable off simply because they are not able to live with the same structure as everyone else? This is such a monumental waste. As I stated, I do take my share of the responsibility for my own outcomes, but this is not an interpersonal issue, this is a systemic one. Telling every individual how to better their life, even if we could, is not a solution. The problem started with the systems, and it can only end with those systems. We have to do better, we have to. As much as we pretend the world is not a zero sum game, it is. It is a zero sum game in the long run, there is only so much of everything, and sure, we may still have double the resources we ever used... but that's only a single doubling time or two. We cannot continue wasting so much human potential and consuming just to consume. Humanity isn't a virus, our institutions are, our paradigm is. Infinite growth? That's tumor logic. We can't act like a cancer and expect anything other than the outcomes of cancer, which is either a dead host or our complete removal. We have to be like the healthy cells, understanding we have our time, and then it goes and it's somebody else's time, and it's only fair to leave the world at the very least how we found it, if not better so they can have their time in peace. We cannot keep wasting this much human potential. We are only 1 or 2 minutes from midnight, and there is no second bottle for the bacteria to grow in.
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